silence

   Today I was sitting with one of my best friends in the cafeteria. We both got our plates and sat down to enjoy the 80’s aerobic workout reject dance mix. The dinning hall was pretty much deserted and we began to chow. We sat there eating next to each other for a good 15 minutes without saying a word. I did not become conscious of this until my friend looked over and asked me what creative drink concoction I had made myself today. 

   Eating three times a day in a dinning hall has made me uber aware basic human habits. First, most people HATE to go there by themselves. If worse comes to worse and no one can be wrangled to accompany their growling stomach, they will sit in a corner and read or talk on the phone or do anything to get out of there as soon as possible. 

   Now I am one of the few who doesn’t mind eating alone. I guess it’s because I love to people watch and listen to other people’s funny conversations to reenact for my roommate later... but I must admit that when it’s just me and another stranger in a deserted cafeteria I become so conscious of every little twitch of my body. My mind reels and screams ‘Is he staring at me!? Oh no! I sprouted a pimple on my nose today... it’s huge... and he’s probably thinking about how gross that is. (quick glance at the stranger) Op, no he was just looking at the clock on the wall behind me. Oh  I eat so unattractively. I bet Audrey Hepburn ate like a little sparrow. I must look like the Pumba from the Lion King scarfing his bugs down... well thats awkward. Well no... that could actually work... I mean if you squint this guy kinda looks like Timon...’ This continues painfully until I get a text or a rush of people enter to get their grub on. 

   When you are eating with a new friend or decide to make conversation with the person across the table, it can be just as terrible. Your whole body is tense because you don’t know whether what you saying makes you sound like a nut case. You have to only ask questions when they have just swallowed and you have to be careful to not chew with your mouth open or eat 12 bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. That isn’t a meal! It’s an etiquette class on a unicycle!

   Silence, especially when in the cafeteria, can be deafening! However, here I was with my buddy munching along happily without talking, without even noticing the silence sitting there with us. I realized that THAT is when you know you are comfortable, when you have a totally chilled out friendship, when your guard has completely been let down. THAT is when you know you can tell them all your secrets and never think there might be a tiny chance they will leak it out. THAT is when you know you can call them at three o’clock in the morning or share your clothes or eat off their plate. In college, you spend so much time trying to learn things by reading, making to-do lists, and going to lectures, but something as basic as silence can teach you so much by merely existing. 

   What is the silence telling you?